Deep Inside

11.10.08

I'm walking by tranquil lakes and streams and time is winding down. The entire world is behind me. But i don't mind. These shadows grab me, time is running away. Slow motion is the way I see it. I've always walked with my head down, hands in pockets. Why on Earth would I change now? Senseless bargains with sanity blow through the night breeze. They whip, they tear through emerald leaves, dangling for their sad little lives. We're all either rock solid or a puddle of tears. I'm convinced. By who or what I don't know. But I am convinced. Morning is a world away, so is love, so is peace, so is clarity. But that world is out there. I see its distant lights. I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still. I'm getting there. Everything is so old. I am an infant crawling through the grass, a destitute infant in rags, pillaging the shelves of knowledge. Night after night. Desperation after desperation. Wisdom learns through pain. I guess there's just some places I don't belong pillaging. I suppose love is one of them, maybe my mind. If only she'd have understood, or saw through the blindness. But this train is embarking, far off, too near to everywhere, well, I could never get on. I'd rather it run me over than take me to its promise land. I'll make my own promises thank you. All my dreams, locked in a prison somewhere, where is the key, why is it missing? Am I the only one looking for it? I sure hope so. Everything is at a standstill. No complete movement. Sitting in one place for so long is one of those things that's sure to leave a mark. Despite all of this free thinking, independent jargon the bottom line is I need people. Good people. Fine people. I need love. Good love. Fine love. Love that goes so deep I want to drown. So deep I would never think of doing otherwise. Silent drowning. So so endless. But, there aren't any people like that who I know. At least personally. All of them, they're all the wrong people. I don't think they realize that. That's the worst part. I am almost positive I was meant to inhabit some other era. Maybe the past but probably the future. Some camera shaky, juxtaposing smiley world of green in a brief glimpse. Let us zoom in on the ornate telescopes. I know I'll regret writing this in the morning. I know I wont understand it in the morning. But, I'll take this. I'll take it all. I'll play the game. Right up until the end.