Humanity

11.28.08

Day in day out, through the constant recycling of news, the fast- forward motion of life, I am forced to wonder, why? It's almost as if I'm always staring down the deepest hole in the world, avoiding staring into the eyes of the beast. The beast being all that exists just to merely exist. When darkness falls upon the land, the other side of the world is just being blessed with nature's emollient light. Everything is a cycle, everything moves from beginning to end, yet everything is entirely immortal-- existing forever in some type of molecular form. Everything that exists now has always existed. Perhaps it did so in a different form, a piece of paper was once a tree, a tree was once a seed, a tree will die and turn into dirt. The material for me to exist has always existed, its energy manifested itself some summer night in 1989. I will one day die and I will be different energy, a different force, but still existing, hopefully not some chemical filled corpse 6 feet under. When I die, I want my body to be thrown into the Alaskan forest, I want to go back into the cycle of existence, where I belong. Everything that is born will die though, everything that is new will one day be old. Beauty will give way to natures drowning sorrows and we'll all walk proudly out of the sea to the moonlit shore. It's hard telling what's a dream and what is not some times, some days. Maybe everything is a dream, the entire existence of everything in the world and the universe. An unconscious force ebbing and flowing to the transient beat of time. When I look out the window and see the sky, the bare trees, the coming night, I can't help but feel that I'm part of everything yet at the same time an isolated speck of dust helplessly dragging myself through my tiny world. When I look at the night sky, I'm transported to some other dimension of my mind. An instinctual wonder overcomes me so completely. To see infinity above and know that it is beautiful, what knowledge to possess. It almost brings a sense to me that there IS something bigger than ourselves, bigger than anything we can comprehend. I'm sure there is, I'm not sure what it is though and I'm surely not willing to take any guesses. Whatever it is created everything, the dynamics of life, organisms, organisms with a constant beating heart, a body with billions of cells, with the power to love and to imagine and work in harmony with the purity of natures flawless plan. It's almost too good to be true, but it's true. It is so true. How can we as a species, as the most intelligent species we know of, allow ourselves to be treated like slaves, to be swept up in mindless activity. How can we allow our world to poisoned by greed and polluted by ignorance? Perhaps it is our nature to destroy ourselves. Perhaps we are here with no purpose but to merely exist, perhaps my ideas are wrong, perhaps everything is wrong. But, I doubt it. Everything is too perfect. There is too much harmony in the world and the universe for evil to ever triumph over good. Good will always triumph over what is evil. Even the most base and vile occurrences we witness always are healed by time, erased by the genius memory. It is my belief that we exist, not because we were put here by some magical entity, but we exist because without us, we could not exist. We exist for the reason that there are reasons. We exist because we do, there is no reason. We were born out of something we will never understand, something that the more we look for, the more it eludes us. We were not born out of anything ,we were born into everything. I guess I was wrong again. I guess I'll have to keep living and I will not forget that I have forgotten.