Requiem To Love

11.30.08

He was a cutter, he was a black and blue fool, she'd always cry. He was a friend of mine. He was also a little too unconventional for me. I've come to realize I'm far more abstract in mind than in action, the story of my life. But I ate it anyway. I remember in July, last July, oh July, I remember that dark night. Oak Island, walking through that pitch black field of dew.With him, with them. He was a shadow then physically too. The branches draped along the sidewalk by the river. They created a wall which I ran my hand along. I felt like a ghost with all that fog. Before we got back in the car I remember looking down that long bridge over the river to the island. I've never seen such darkness. Strange thing though, when I backed up and the headlights shone on the bridge, a man was walking over it. Walking into complete blackness, all alone, no reasons abound. For some reason I still think about that. We drove back downtown, I don't remember why, there were people there I guess at night. The people we knew and didn't yet know. It was incredibly warm out for 11:30 PM. The White Stripes sounded especially mystic that evening on the stereo, or was it the Album Leaf? Shit, like I remember. Who knows what I was on... or thinking. I definitely wasn't thinking that's for sure. The dangerous yet short drive back to the empty 400 Block was so peaceful. I love driving at night with the windows open. With ambient sounds blaring. And I did. We met some friends on the sidewalk there and he told me we should park the car. The one guy with the blonde hair, well, he was on all sorts of things. The pills he spoke of. He should be a doctor. I kept thinking about if he saw me as a hallucination, if he saw my face contorting in ways it should never... I pondered perception. He was damn near dead I think. His girlfriend was standing next to him, on the same prescriptions I presumed. She started talking to me, she was incredibly beautiful. I didn't think girls that look like her did things like this. I wondered what our small group of rag tag individuals looked like from 200 feet above. I wondered about the world outside. She was talking to me about my shirt, her mother, the look in my eyes, the world outside. The other four people I was with started to walk away into the downtown night. My waning dose of THC was no match against her raging river of barbiturate insanity. I didn't want to be there alone with her though. What the fuck I thought, where are they going. I told her we'd better go. The boyfriend, the car, the time. Paranoia was planting its seed in my brain. She started to touch my hand. I itched my eye. I wondered what she was doing with that sad little blonde haired guy. The last time I saw him he was even worse off. The people I was with were about 400 feet ahead, I didn't want to start running, but if I didn't there was no way to catch up. She kept looking at me as we walked. If I had a cell phone I could have called them and said something like, wait up, or hey hold on. Ok, this is it I thought in ironic misery. I just wanted to die right there on the sidewalk. Let the theatergoers devour me after their tragedy is over. I wanted the curtain to fall on my life. I felt so calm and sanely serene. Yet, I wanted it to start pouring rain, I wanted to grab her and madly kiss her under the blinking theater marquee in the empty city center. There was a crumpled glowing cigarette laying on the sidewalk. As I got closer to it I kicked it off into the street instead. My car was parked just ahead along the road. Here's my chance for escape I thought. What was I thinking, I've got to take him home too, I can't just run away, or drive away in this case. I was out of it, my mind was someplace else. I didn't know what to do. I looked back at the car as I passed it. She told me she her dad's house is about two blocks away from here. They were ahead, the house was left about 2,000 feet. She spoke so nonchalant as if this happened every night. That scared me. In the silence I could still hear the reverberation of the church bells I had heard hours earlier. She grabbed my arm and said come on in a demanding playful kind of tone. Her voice echoed off of the buildings. I told her no, I can't do that. We caught up with the group by a cool black fountain. They were all sitting along ther perimeter of the fountain. A fierce wind blew. A storm was coming. Her boyfriend looked up at me with a simple, what's up dude kind of look. I wanted to drown him right there. I let out a hurricane exhale. I had to get away from her before she destroyed me with her smile. The friend I was with, he said he'd better get back home. We walked back to the car. I looked back, I looked back again. A street light flickered on above the car. We got in the car and we drove away. After all, he was a friend of mine.