The Shallow Void of Innocence

11.05.08

Sometimes I sit in the dark and feel the gray translucent hands of fear touch my shoulders. But then there are lights, headlights, coming up the hill in the dark. A caravan of sadness. All the lonely drivers cut off from history and coming out of work. Following the bright lights, getting blinded along the way. Miserable visions flood their pounding brains. Millions of them, in the rain, gutter bound philistines in love. What a way to go. Oh what a life it would be if I could only work for a company that has no interest in anything but human greed. Oh what a life would lay me in my grave when I am old and respected for my dog- like obedience that has added nothing to humanities sum of knowledge and beauty. I know the feeling of fear now. It's all I've got to hide. I know that deep, guttural dread that rises up in you when you expose the truth. A dark truth. A sad truth. A truthy truth. I know the weight of a society pitted against your unknown ideologies. Your unknown wisdom. Your beauty is darkened by the flip of a switch. Love becomes a game, a fruitless maze. The genius of simplicity evaporates so fast. I know what it is to have everything pulled out from under you not once but twice, always, back into the hidden free fall where love dies with hate. You can only hope someone will latch onto you, somehow, some way. We all know it. When will we rip off the bandages that collage us in bondage? I think life is imitating art now. I feel my own truth seeking mind is turning against me now too. Collecting all my insecurities and longings and analyzing them to the point of exhaustion. Knowledge is not freeing me as it is supposed to, it's imprisoning me. Wisdom is hard to come by as is love, respect, happiness and all the indescribable thoughts that inhabit the shallow void of innocence. Iin that shallow void I'm sitting shivering waiting for the sun. But the sun doesn't shine here, me and you are just blips on the radar. Our dim, green lives flash for a dull moment on the black starry plain of eternity and fade into a silent obscurity. No one I know is worth spending that blip with. No one I know is remotely capable of my love or unyielding affection nor am I capable of theirs. All I feel in these people is a blank stare from fear and a disappointed dream in human form. A neutral resentment. When we finally meet at the crossroads of fate, I don't know what will descend. I'm backin' in the corner now boys and it's a long ways out of town and the stars are so damn beautiful tonight. Every night, forever.