The Life

11.18.09

I have come to the unfortunate conclusion I cannot function as a 'normal' and mainstream member of this society. I'm a restless traveler and I grow bored of places quickly. I always want to be moving forward and see what's out there. Lately it feels like I'm sitting very still, pinned down and waiting for the dogs to come devour my heart, or what's left of it anyway. It's a horrible feeling that makes you feel like your soul is rotting and your life is being wasted in a cruel way. That is precisely why I cannot fit into the society. I can't enlist myself to a lifetime of trivial work. Most jobs in our society are trivial and absurd. There are few I find worth the while aside from some forms of teaching, business endeavors, etc etc. I will end my life before I am forced to live a life that is largely not of my own discretion. I refuse to submit and I refuse to give in. I am someone who has an issue accepting orders and dealing with authority figures. As long as I've been alive it's been that way and fortuantely it really hasn't gotten me into much trouble. It's not until you test your limits and cross the line at least once, that you know how to live. I now know how to live. I take great issue and even concern in the way the average American 'Joe six-pack' lives their life. It's all around me, especially in this area. Your average guy just wants to get drunk and go huntin'. I find the ignorance level of this area to be astoundingly high with even those claiming to be liberal being of a somewhat closed mindset. The let's work 40 hours, get fucked up on the weekend, and do it all over again!" That's how I see so many people live their lives. I have no problem with work, I have no problem with getting fucked up, but those aren't the only two things I want to do in my routine life. So, what do I want? What do I desire? I desire to leave this place and never return, I desire to see as much as I can, I desire to love deeply and truly, I desire to be free, forever. I want to live somewhere remote and secluded, or at least somewhere where my parents or anyone who has the potential to severely annoy and make me distraught, have no idea where I am and have no idea of how to contact me. That would be amazing. I want to finish college and leave the veritable hellhole that is the UWMC as quickly as humanly possible. I want to continue college and graduate, hopefully from UW-L. I want to play it safe. I don't want to rush out and somehow have kids and get pushed into the absurd rushing floodwaters of American living. I want every step to be engineered perfectly, I want every move to be calibrated to a stunning level of performance and bold planning. I want to go where I want to go, I want to live how I want to live. So, let me live, let me live the life.